ugly tasty

and the beauty in each flavour

Couples therapist Esther Perel was on the podcast Modern Love this week to read and workshop one of the show’s most controversial essays ever published. Modern Love shares reader-submitted love stories, but sometimes, there’s a twist. Like this essay about infidelity and the tension that exists around the frank, or unsaid words between the players in the story. 

I got to know Esther Perel’s work through her podcast How Shall We Begin, a show where therapy sessions with actual couples make up each episode. Despite the raw truths, ugly moments and the vulnerability of it all, Esther manages to find beauty and connection between the couples in her calm, authoritative way. I listened to Esther through the pandemic - I weeded the garden with Esther, I cooked with Esther, I cleaned the bathrooms with Esther, I walked with Esther. And at the end of each day, I was grateful for the free therapy, and grateful for the good relationship that I was in.

The Modern Love episode, one of their most controversial essays ever, is worth listening to. But this isn’t a story about that. I’m sorry, what a tease. It’s about something Esther said at the beginning of the episode. Esther Perel speaks nine languages. She was grew up in Belgium and was educated in Flemish, but spoke French, German, Polish and Yiddish at home, then later studied Spanish, Portuguese, Hebrew and English. Esther’s sessions are conducted all over the world, in many of these languages. After this was established by host Anna Martin, Martin asked, “Are there certain languages that have better vocabulary for talking about the nuances of love and relationships than others?” Esther answers with,

“What I will say is this. In a therapy session, if a person tells me something and it needs to be said in his own language, I will ask them to translate it and to say it in their mother tongue, because you hear instantly the difference, the tone, the timbre, the tremble.”

The tone, the timbre, the tremble is all she needs to hear, regardless of whether she speaks their language, or not. “You don’t really need to understand the words to understand the effect.”

That’s when I looked up the word timbre. I understood its effect here, but in the context of sound, what did it mean exactly? I’ve learned that timbre distinguishes between different produced sounds, such as musical instruments, a drumming circle or choir voices. Timbre is also known as the tone colour or tone quality, allowing the listener to hear different instruments in the same category. Esther listens to these tones, these timbres, the tremble. 

I like to think there’s a timbre distinguishing between different tastes. Like the floral, sweet, citrus tones of cardamom. The licorice tones of star anise. Or the heat of a chilli. I thought about these instruments as I stirred them through lentils simmering away with onions and garlic. These notes take the soup in a different direction, to India, a place where 780 languages are spoken, and I don’t understand any of them. But I can taste these flavours, and understand their uniqueness.

I also understand that sometimes a lentil tone, murky and undistinguished, can grow beautiful with some care and attention.

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Indian Spiced Lentil Soup

This soup is a favourite from SOUP! the cookbook I co-authored with Pippa Cuthbert, way back when. It’s deeply flavourful and comes together quickly. 

Notes: We’ve used Puy lentils here because they hold their shape well when cooked. Any lentil will do, but the textile might be… mushier. Coconut cream is sold in blocks in little cardboard boxes at the grocery store. The goal here is to flavour the soup with creamy coconut, not to dilute the soup with a whole can of coconut milk. If you can’t find cream, add a few scoops of the thick cream from the top of a can of coconut milk. 

2 large tomatoes

2 tablespoons oil - coconut or avocado would be nice

1 large onion, finely chopped

4 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped (or a good pinch of dried chilli flakes)

1 teaspoon ground cardamom

1 teaspoon ground turmeric

1 whole star anise

250g (1 1/3 cups) Puy Lentils (French lentils) rinsed

1 litre (4 cups) vegetable stock

2 tablespoons fish sauce

Juice of 1 lemon

50 g creamed coconut - just under half a block

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon black pepper

Begin by skinning the tomatoes. (You can use chopped canned tomatoes here, but the idea here is not to flavour the stock with tomato juice, rather to have tomatoes scattered through. Tread lightly). Using the tip of a sharp knife, make a cross on the end of the tomatoes and place them in a bowl. Cover with boiled water and leave to let the skin soften for a few minutes. Drain the water and rinse the tomatoes under cold water. Peel off the skin (it should pull away easily from the cross at this point) and chop tomatoes into quarters. Discard the seeds and finely chop the flesh. Set aside. 

Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the tomato, onion, garlic, chilli, cardamom, turmeric and star anise and stir until the onion softens, about 5 minutes. Stir in the lentils, stock and simmer, partially covered, until the lentils are tender, about 25 minutes. Add fish sauce, lemon juice, coconut cream and stir until the coconut cream has melted. Remove the star anise, add salt and pepper, stir again and serve.

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PS - No newsletter next week - I’ll be in New York to catch the Cherry Bombe Jubilee. I’ll also be seeing Esther Perel’s show, live! Needless to say, I can’t wait. There will be lots of stories to share… In the meantime look out for my latest episode of The Food Podcast, airing on April 16th. Stay tuned!