Soft and Flexible

with a side of protein

I am whipping egg whites with white sugar, one tablespoon at a time. Slowly the clear liquid grows opaque, ballooning and expanding, until it’s a soft, glossy cloud. I spoon the mixture into a piping bag and pipe rows of circles and cylinders onto parchment. I am making meringue mushrooms¹ for a bûche de Noël, like I do every year. I slide the pans into a barely warm oven and close the door. They will be ready in an hour or so, then they’ll sit in the oven to dry overnight. Low and slow, that’s the technique.

Recreating nostalgia in December every year means revisiting yourself, over and over again. The rituals stay the same: meringue mushrooms, cinnamon rolls, chocolate peanut butter balls, shopping, wrapping, lighting candles, oranges and pomegranates on the mantle, ironing napkins. Life swirls around these actions, shifting and evolving with each passing December. And we’re alongside, shifting and evolving too.

But looking back over recent years, it looks like I sometimes get stuck.

Six years ago I wrote about the stress of making cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning, the kind of baking that requires an hour of rising time before the kids wake up. That was the year I cried on Christmas morning, ditched the cinnamon rolls, and made them on the 27th.

Three years ago I shared A Field Guide to Christmas, my podcast episode about navigating stress during the holiday season. Last year I posted it again.

But two years ago there was a shift in tone. I wrote about the beauty of being lifted by communal singing this time of year, and I went rogue and made an orange slice cake.

And today I made my usual meringue mushrooms, but then I sat down with my friend Andrea to visit and make art. She worked on an illustration while I painted the clementines that were nestled in evergreen boughs on the mantle. I never sit down like this in the midst of Christmas chaos, but this year we booked it in. I made us cottage cheese pancakes and served them with a dollop of Greek yogurt and seeds from a pomegranate that was also nestled on the mantle. Cottage cheese isn't something I’d normally reach for, but it’s full of protein, and that’s what we need. I whizzed it in the blender with eggs and cinnamon, stirred in just a little flour, and made what I thought was a fabulous breakfast.

Two of the boys came home from university as we sat together, bringing energy and stories to the kitchen. I tried to recreate a clementine colour with punchy red and yellow watercolours, but I ended up with more of a ripe persimmon. I carried on. When the light began to fade I shredded purple cabbage and tossed it with finely sliced kale and more pomegranate seeds. I rinsed out the blender and added tahini, olive oil, dijon, garlic, apple cider vinegar, parmesan cheese and a splash of maple syrup. It’s a take on Half Baked Harvest’s Parmesan Tahini Dressing that I’ve been riffing off² since my sister Jessie came to visit last month and made it for me two nights in a row. I love the tang, the depth, and yes, the hit of protein from the tahini.

As we ate the salad, we talked about the importance of flexibility, especially around the holidays. If we don’t bend, our traditions get tired, static. They need to shift too. Like making art and eating a crunchy colourful salad in the midst of clementines, cookies and chaos.

The salad’s greens, reds and purples took me back to my trip last month, to the rashguard splashed with greens, reds and purples that I wore while surfing. I pulled up a photo from the trip to show Andrea, the one taken covertly by the surf school during a lesson. The suit reminded me of the gymnastics suits of childhood. Of flips and floor routines. Of sticking the landing and finishing with arms outstretched and chests up. I was not that kid, but I am a happy kid in the picture, about to nail the dismount in sweet shallow waters, wearing the colours of a winter salad.

I’m sharing the photo here so that next year, when I revisit holidays past, I’ll remember that the softer and more flexible you are, the easier it will be.

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Cottage Cheese Pancakes - makes 6 pancakes

1 cup cottage cheese

3 eggs

splash of vanilla

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1 tablespoon neutral oil, like avocado oil

1/3 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

pinch of salt

Combine cottage cheese, eggs, vanilla and cinnamon in a blender and whiz until smooth. In a small bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and salt. Add cottage cheese mixture and stir just until combined.

Melt a little butter in a pan over medium heat along with a splash of oil (to keep the butter from burning). Spoon batter onto the hot pan and cook pancakes until bubbles appear. Flip and cook the other side. Serve with plain yogurt, maple syrup and berries of choice (I used pomegranates from my Christmas decor :)

1. A Meringue Mushrooms Demo by Joy of Baking - an oldie but goodie

2. I substituted apple cider vinegar for lemon juice, grainy mustard for dijon and tossed some hemp hearts into the mix.